Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category
Too much Ubuntu
LOL!
You Tube Street Fighter
The best firewall you can ever have!
Famous Computer Quotes
“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.”
- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
“This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.”
- Western Union internal memo, 1876.
“So we went to Atari and said, ‘Hey, we’ve got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we’ ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we’ll come work for you.’ And they said, ‘No.’ So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, ‘Hey, we don’t need you. You haven’t got through college yet.’”
- Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and HP interested in his and Steve Wozniak’s personal computer.
“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.”
- Popular Mechanics, 1949
“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.”
- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
“640K ought to be enough for anybody.”
- Bill Gates, 1981
“Computers are magnificent tools for the realization of our dreams, but no machine can replace the human spark of spirit, compassion, love, and understanding.”
-Louis Gerstner
“But what … is it good for?”
- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968,
commenting on the microchip.
and my favorite:
“Always program as if the person who will be maintaining your program is a violent psychopath that knows where you live.”
- Martin Golding
Time in Italian
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnpsPYv9EYk&hl=en&fs=1]
Sadam and Osama cartoon
On Friday evening during the break in playing xbox with my friends I came across this interesting cartoon:
http://www.snotr.com/video/1665
Evolution Dance
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg&hl=en]
Global Economic Model
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the
milk away…
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of
the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island
Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights
to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says
the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one
cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine
cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
THE ANDERSEN MODEL
You have two cows.
You shred them.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want
three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market
it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your
country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy….
AN IRISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You wait for the wool.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
Unix / Linux Jokes
Today posting some cool unix/linux/programming jokes that I found on the net.Enjoy!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Microsoft: “You’ve got questions. We’ve got dancing paperclips.”
Failure is not an option — it comes bundled with Windows.
Sexy Unix Commands: date; unzip; touch; strip; finger; mount; gasp; yes; uptime;
Q: What is the difference between Windows 95 and Windows 98? A: 3 years
Q: How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb?
A: He doesn’t. He declares darkness the industry standard.
“If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0″
“If Python is executable pseudocode, then perl is executable line noise.”
“The more I C, the less I see.”
“To err is human… to really foul up requires the root password.”
“After Perl everything else is just assembly language.”
“If brute force doesn’t solve your problems, then you aren’t using enough.”
“Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code.”
“Unix is user-friendly. It’s just very selective about who its friends are.”
“COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.”
“Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.” — Michael Sinz
“There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.”
“SUPERCOMPUTER: what it sounded like before you bought it.”
“Windows95: It’s like upgrading from Reagan to Bush.
“The best accelerator available for a Mac is one that causes it to go at 9.81 m/s2.”
“A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila”
“1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d”
“A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting.”
“My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.”
“Better to be a geek than an idiot.”
“Windows isn’t a virus, viruses do something.”
“Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail.”
“Evolution is God’s way of issuing upgrades.”
“The only problem with troubleshooting is that sometimes trouble shoots back.”
“The box said ‘Required Windows 95 or better’. So, I installed LINUX.”
“Computer are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open windows.”
“Dating a girl is just like writing software. Everything’s going to work just fine in the testing lab (dating), but as soon as you have contract with a customer (marriage), then your program (life) is going to be facing new situations you never expected. You’ll be forced to patch the code (admit you’re wrong) and then the code (wife) will just end up all bloated and unmaintainable in the end.”
“Real men don’t use backups, they post their stuff on a public ftp server and let the rest of the world make copies.” – Linus Torvalds
“If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.”
“It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.”
“I had a fortune cookie the other day and it said: ‘Outlook not so good’. I said: ‘Sure, but Microsoft ships it anyway’.”
“The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from.”
“Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code.”
“The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones.”
“Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn’t leave something that can be traced back to you.”
Matrix Ping Pong
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dcmDscwEcI]